November 30th, 2008 (later on)

The results from the tests are in... my worst fears have not been confirmed. My dad did not have a stroke in his young age. It is much worse than we thought... They have discovered a tumor in my dad's brain. "Glioblastoma. Level Four." This is how the doctors told us. Have they no emotional training what so ever? How can they just let me know that my dad is dying and they have no emotions at all? I understand that it is not their job to comfort us, their job is simply to tell us what is wrong and then try to make my father healthier. I still can not help feeling angry at the insensitive man that came to tell me that my father, MY DAD has terminal cancer!

What am I going to do! My dad was just fine before this. My aunt had died from cancer but they said it was not hereditary. Her cancer had been in her lungs and now my dad had it in his brain? What have I done Lord? Why my family. He had been healthy for the majority part of his life.

After hearing the news, all we could do was ask more questions. It was as if the more we asked and acted like the doctors were, the less real it would seem. It turns out that they do not give my father more than six months to live. The cancer will not spread but they do not give him much chance to live. Doctors do want to try surgery as soon as possible to see if they could maybe take all the cancer out. The surgery is scheduled for the fourth of December.

My Mom is a wreck, the man that she has spent most of her life with is dying right in front of her and there is nothing she can do about it. How can I be strong for her? How can I show her strength when I can't even muster up enough for myself? What am I going to do?! These doctors are not helping one bit either! Nobody will give a straight answer! Not a nurse or doctor! Why can't somebody just tell me what to do! I can not even begin to imagine how my father is dealing with this! My mom told me that the doctor told him while he was in the room alone. I did not know how he would respond to all of this information on his own. A nurse told my mother that my father listened to doctor carefully and quietly. After being told that he would most likely die, my dad only had one thing to say. "I'm going to fight it."

If my father can have this kind of strength, I should be able to do the same right?



This is what his CT scan looked like of my dads brain. The dark spot in the middle is the tumor that needs to be removed.