The holidays were a huge struggle! We were all over whelmed with emotion all the time. Just yesterday, as we were sitting in the living room, celebrating the new year, my father began to speak of his funeral. He told us what he wanted done and who had to do it. Doing this brought out all different emotions I didn't even know I could feel at the same time. Part of me did not want to talk about it. The other part of me was happy that we had the chance to make things just the way he wanted them. It is extremely hard.
In a few days, some of my dad's friends are going to his house to build him a ramp for his wheel chair. My dad has always had a lot of friends. I'm sure this means the world to him. I just can not even begin to think what my life will be without him.This month has gone by too slow and too fast as well. I hate watching him go through the medication but at least he is a home. My niece, an RN, has decided to take time off of work to make sure the hospital would let him come home. this really helps my mom.
When I am with my father he says everything that he thinks I will ever need to know. He does not want to anything to be left unsaid. He kisses me, hugs me, and reminds me how special I am to him. Ugh... My thoughts are just so scrambled. I do not know what to think or even write. There is so little time. How will I ever record everything?
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